


The Mind is Alone

by sleeponthefloor



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-14 21:15:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9203471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeponthefloor/pseuds/sleeponthefloor
Summary: What's going on in Even's head as he falls in love with Isak.





	1. Starting Over

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a very short intro to a soon to be multi-chapter story. I will be added tags as I go.

            Every now and then I feel myself slipping into deep disbelief that the life I’m currently living and have been living for over a year now is my own. This is how I feel even now, while I’m planning to move and change everything. It’s like I’m living someone else’s life. This isn’t supposed to be happening to me. But it is and it’s very real. I feel it everywhere, in every bone of my body. I feel it in my numb nod as my mom grabs my numb hand a bit tighter and my shrink closes off our family session with her last regards.

 

_If you’re going to live alone you are going to need to be responsible. Yada. Yada. Blah. Blah._

• • • •

            Pills. So many pills. I feel like I’ve tried every pill there is. I’m settled with Clozapine for now and I’m ready for this. To get out of the town where I became bipolar and move into the one where I’m settled. I need to start over in a place where no one knows my name, how I missed a month of school last year, or how my girlfriend controls everything I do.

 

My mom stands in front of the car with a tight smile on her face and tears in her eyes that don’t dare pour.

 

“Thanks for helping me unload.” I hug her as if that’s all she needs from me right now.

 

“Even,” she puts one hand on my cheek, “Please call if it gets to be too much.”

 

I smile at her with a nod. She looks to the ground and pulls her hand away.

 

“I can’t believe I’m letting you do this.” She breathes out a laugh, looks at me once more, and steps towards the car.

• • • •

            Unloading the boxes in a place of your own feels amazingly lonely. I’ve never been quite good at being alone but I need to learn to be. I need to be able to take care of myself and deal with this disorder. I need to find a way to still be happy and I need to find it alone. I need to break up with Sonja.

 

• • • •

            The first day of school at Nissen is nothing special. Classes are just as boring as the classes were at Elvebakken. I met some guys from my film class to sit with at lunch. Sitting here feels fine but it doesn’t feel exciting. I’m not sure if I should even be experiencing anything exciting in my state. Boring is safe. I look up from the table to see a blonde mop across the room. I strain my neck a bit and suddenly I’m struck with such a handsome, soft face. The boy seems a bit younger than me, a bit shorter, and a bit happier as he laughs with his friends. I start to wonder if there’s anyway I could smoothly go introduce myself to him but I quickly drop all hope when I remember my current mission. I need to let go of relationships not pine after another.

• • • •

            Lying awake in bed at 2am is not an unfamiliar experience to me but this time it’s different. I’m not manic. I just can’t stop thinking of a boy. I toss onto my back as I look up to the ceiling and it’s decided. I must talk to the boy and I fall right to sleep.


	2. Come Outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note I will be changing things slightly from the show such as the fact that Even lives alone as well as adding.

            I sit at the same table in the cafeteria as I did when I saw the blonde boy first. A few moments later I see him and his friends walking towards the table they sat at before as well. He looks good with a snapback on this time and a hood over it. I sit there staring when two girl approach me and start promoting a new theatre group to me. It doesn’t sound like anything I’d be into even though I admire theatre greatly. It seems like a ploy for the blonde girl to fulfill some dream of being group leader. As I tune them out I switch my eyes back to see the blonde’s blue eyes looking right into mine before he quickly drops them.

            It wasn’t much but it was enough to give me hope. The two girls move on to his table next and start their speech over again. The group doesn’t seem too keen on joining the meeting but I’ve already decided to go just in case.

• • • •

            My mom and I have set up a plan for every Tuesday. We’d eat dinner together. Today she was making a home cooked meal that consisted of mash potatoes and very dry chicken. I eat it joyfully and let her interrogate me as she asks questions about school and my pills. I assure her I’m taking my doses at the appropriate times everyday.

 

            “How is Sonja?” She suddenly asks me, obviously fishing for information.

           

            “She’s fine.” I answer plainly.

           

            “How come she didn’t join us today?” She asked again over her second class of red.

           

            “Mom,” I place my fork down on the table and look at her sternly, “I don’t want to talk about Sonja, right now. We don’t have to do everything together.” I answer.

 

            “You used to.” She said looking down.

 

            “We used to be best friends.” I answer looking down at my mom’s chicken that suddenly I realize resembles my dry relationship.

 

            My mom must understand that I don’t feel like explaining my relationship with her right now because she drops the topic. I should have been kinder though. My mom was only trying to talk to me about the obvious fact that I’m unhappy and I could really use a talk. But thinking about Sonja makes me feel small and stuck.

• • • •

            Seeing my friends from my old school really helps lift my sprits if only momentarily. Although I wanted to move on from my old town, Mikael and Finn have always been great friends. Mikael was there when I had my first manic episode before I even realized I was bipolar. I called him at midnight asking him to get on a redeye with me to LA to start our film career. He thought I was crazy at first but he drove all the way to come get me from the airport to get me the help I needed.

            It feels good to be able to invite them over to see the place I have to myself. I can show them how responsible I am now and convince them that I’ve left all the craziness behind.

 

            “You have shit taste, Even!” Mikael exclaimed as he rejects my idea to watch The Great Gatsby.

 

            “Gatsby is a classic!” I argue.

 

            “It’s shit.” Mikael states as we all laugh.

 

            “How about the new Purge movie?” Finn offers.

• • • •

 

            Sonja decided that two days was enough freedom for me as she shows up at my door this afternoon after school.

 

            “How was school then?” She asks bitterly as she notices my boredom in our conversation.

 

            “Fine.” I answer.

 

            At that she sighs and turns towards me on the couch looking at me with serious eyes. Sonja is the strongest person I know.

 

            “Even, talk to me,” She taps my thigh with her hands clasped, “Tell me what’s going on in your head. Rant about how much you hate class. Tell me about the contents of your lunch for crying out loud. Yell about how unhappy you are with me. Just say something.”

 

            I look at her as I flex my jaw feeling something bubble up inside me. I stand up and rub my hands down my face. I pace around my living room and shrug the hood off my head. Finally, I stop a few feet in front of her.

 

            “I’m so damn unhappy with you!” I shout with my arms outstretched.

 

            And just as I expected Sonja is unmoved. She smiles at me sadly as she looks to the ground right before she gets up to stand in front of me with her chin up.

 

            “You’re bored. You’ve been settled on these meds for a while and you miss being manic. I know. But don’t forget how it feels after the episode. When you are lying in bed and begging me never to let you go again. Even, I love you. I won’t let you go ever.” She says with her hand grasping my jaw. I’m so damn angry with her. I wish I was half as strong as Sonja. Then I’d be able to leave her.

• • • •

            I’ve never been so excited to go to a school club on a Friday before. But as I walk into the theatre I can’t stop my leg from shaking or my eyes from scanning the room as I greet the girls how invited me. I quickly spot those beautiful blue eyes again but the blonde boy looks down too soon. If he would just hold eye contact with me for a few seconds more I swear I’d be able to tell everything. He’d get the message.

            I take a seat behind him and listen to the leaders drone on as I study the boy some more. He looks even smaller hunched over attacking his phone as he texts someone eagerly. I still can’t believe my luck. What was he doing here? As soon as we start the first activity he slyly makes for the door. I go through with the exercise hoping the boy didn’t leave the building just yet.

            As soon as the Vilde lets us go I make for the closest bathroom, hoping maybe that’s where the beautiful boy escaped. Entering the bathroom I quickly check to see his sneakers under the stall. Again I strike luck. Thinking fast I pull out a joint I had in my pocket and place it behind my ear. He’s stepping out before I can think of a way to convince him to smoke with me though. I steal a couple quick glances at him through the mirror as I notice him doing the same. Seeing him up close just makes me want him more. God is he gorgeous.

            I begin pulling out paper towel after paper towel until there’s none left. Wiping my hands and chin I pretend to not notice his stare. When I do glance over I lift my eyebrows in fake confusion to match his confused stare.

           

            “Did you also need tissues?” I ask playing dumb but he doesn’t reply.

           

            I pull the driest one from the trash bin and hand it to him. I watch him crumble it in his fist before inviting him to smoke with a quick gesture to my joint.

 

            “Come outside.” I walk past him with a lucky feeling that he will follow.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment. Tell me what you think!


End file.
